dear bishops,
we are a group of your mothers, who have banded together to apologize.
we speak for, and in behalf of, many sisters. i'm sure, if you ask your mom, sister (your last name) is part of our team.
we are all very proud of you and that you became a bishop! t'was always a dream to raise a son who was pure enough to become a priest. we also regret that you never got to enjoy the joys of family and the pleasure of sex.
we are actually a bit worried that we didn't teach you about sex well. we are wondering if this whole misunderstanding about contraception is actually our fault. (catholic guilt?)so, we hope you will finally feel like we can have an open conversation about sex. we've been avoiding this since 1965. we felt weird talking to you, because you didn't seem to want to talk about it. but we should have just pushed through because we fear we let you down by not having the "birds and the bees" conversation with you earlier. we know you think sex is kinda gross ... but its not, and that is what we need to talk about.
see, it was okay for you to be this afraid of sex when you were 14, we all kinda were. it is some great unknown that seems to make the world go round. obviously a intimidating power when you want to think of God as the omnipotent. if the penultimate to infinite is everyone on the planet having the happiest most pleasurable feeling in the world and then singing about it ... and then taking a giant nap ... you realise that omnipotent is seriously potent ;)
but kidding aside, sex isn't just penetration boys. sex is about trust, love, honesty. its an epistemology of its own. one can know through study and prayer, but one can also know the way adam knew eve (or even knew adam). its just a different type of knowledge. there are ways to have sex without penetration. if you'd like i can explain somethings, but i know you'd feel more comfortable working that out with your fellow priests.
all we are saying, is that some of these policies you are freaking out about, are about things you really just don't understand. there is nothing wrong with contraception. Jesus didn't talk about it, neither did Mary.
we are beginning to wonder if you have issues with us, and those issues are spilling into a giant misunderstanding about women.
sex is a gift from God. we in a small group of primates who are even able to have sex for pleasure. some believe that one of the things that sets us apart is a woman can also have an orgasm. many people like having sex and it doesn't matter if they are boys and girls. sex is this, as sister taylor like to say, "this amazing secret super power" that can both enliven and relax; restore and destroy; bring pleasure and/or pain. but just because it is complicated, doesn't mean it should be avoided.
as you are well aware, some people don't get to choose when or how or who to have sex with. many don't sexually debut by choice. 33% of us, your mothers and sisters, have been sexually abused at some point in our lives. for many of us, sexual abuse is our sexual debut. which means that there is a heap of healing necessary before trust, love, and safety can feel real.
"man is free to act for himself and not to be acted upon", but we are not free to choose the result of our action. thus, sometimes the spiritual consequence of pre-marital sex is love. ideally, love built on trust, safety, and vulnerability, made possible to premarital sex. made safe by understanding of sexually transmitted diseases and the power of latex. made safer through contraception. now premarital sex isn't anything near the sin of taking someone's life into your own lust (lame sentence, i just didn't want to say penis, but hands didn't seem quite right in this context of creation...) what we mean is, having sex doesn't have to have any risk of having a child.
a woman can use an IUD or take a pill which stops the process of human making. or a man can cut his vans deference and no sperm will be ejaculated.
when you use these types of baby-creating interventions, unintended pregnancy becomes impossible.
please sons, help women have more control of their own bodies. when a woman can control her sex life and fertility, she is more able to go to school, work, etc to lift her family out of poverty.
at any rate, we'd like to invite you to read up on this a bit. we think you've been mislead by our cold war, pre-sexual revolution understanding of sex. we know the priesthood is not the best place to get sexually educated. so let's talk a bit more about this soon.
love,
mom
reading list for our bishop sons:
- When Everything Changed: The Amazing Journey of American Women from 1960 to the Present
- Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm
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