Monday, 24 December 2012

dear pope

dear pope benedict,*

your binary gender construct reveals that you do not stand on a monopoly of truth.

your Christmas message reveals that you proclaim godliness with your mouth and lips, but in your heart you are not at peace.

you have failed in your duty to proclaim the Love of God. you failed to mourn with those that mourn, when so many mourn this year.  you refused to provide comfort to the comfortless.  who does that?  surely not a true representative of Jesus.

enlightened man has always known that gender is eternal.  science-informed man has recognized that gender is explained best on a continuum.  though even the continuum fails to capture the complexity of gender.

i wish you peace and repentance.  when you realize how many people those words injured, you will feel an anguish that mustn't be pleasant.  i've talked with mormon leaders after suicides.  its a very deep cry.

for those he hurt, you know deep down he is wrong.  remember, there are more of us than them.

forward in faith,
your Sister

*(i always want to add arnold after his name)

Wayne LaPierre ÷ & conquer strategy

i believe truth is pretty easy to spot.

by paying attention, i feel like i can tell if someone is lying to me or not.  sometimes it takes a bit of practice.  some folks are really hard to peg.  but for the most part, i feel like i have a pretty decent B.S. meter

philosophers have argued for centuries about the nature of truth.  that usually gets wrapped up in the nature of man, nature of God, purpose of pain, purpose of life realm of questioning.

i believe that truth is relative.  quantum physics teaches us that relativity is a law of the universe.  which is part of why being human is important to survival.  without relativity we could figure a way out of needing to exist.

so truth is relative.  usually killing is wrong.  sometimes it is right.  sometimes it is the only righteous thing you can do.  sometimes killing happens in haste, sometimes its planned out.  they are all different.  justice requires judges because no two cases are ever the same.

i also believe that truth is light.  that truth has an energy about it.  it has matter.  that truth changes us physically.  part of the purpose of life is to become prisms of light.
"my voice is Spirit; my Spirit truth; truth abides and has no end; and if it be in your it shall abound.  and your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you; and that body which is filled with light comprehends all things.  Therefore, sanctify yourselves that your minds become single to God, and the days will come that you shall see him for he will unveil his face unto you, and it shall be in his own time, and in his own way, and according to his own will." (Joseph Smith, Dec 27 1832)

the bible teaches us that being in the presence of truth invites the Holy Spirit and we can tell we are feeling the "fruits of the spirit" when we feel: love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, kindess, temperance.

when i read words like "they shall rebuke may people: and they shall beat their swords unto plow-shares, and their spears into pruning-hooks -- nation shall not life up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war anymore" i don't feel dogmatic, i feel like this is a hope we can all hold.  peace and love should never be outlawed.  i thought peace and love is what we are all here to promote?

therefore, i believe this video is the antithesis of truth

from the Joseph Smith 1830:
"Blood for the saints shall cry from the ground ...  because of pride, false teachers, and false doctrine. 
Their churches have become corrupted, and their churches are lifted up; because of pride they are puffed up.
They rob the poor; persecute the meek; and the poor in heart, for:
  • fine sanctuaries; 
  • fine clothing; 
  • to feed their sense of pride 

O! the wise, learned and/or rich, who believe your excess is justified! and all those who preach false doctrines ... Wo unto you that turn aside the just for a thing of naught and revile against that which is good, and say it is of no worth!

paraphrased from 2 Nephi 28:10-23

Sunday, 23 December 2012


Sabbath morning
The time is near
A family gathered as
Love surrounds her

Waiting in anticipation –

of life.

And as I watch
Through labored breaths

Life flows in. 
 Love warms us.
We bask in the light coming
through the parted veil.

Welcome precious daughter!

Sabbath evening
The time is near
A family gathered as
Love surrounds her
Waiting in anticipation –

of death. 

And as I watch 
Through labored breaths

Life flows out. 
Love warms us.
We bask in the light coming
  through the parted veil.

Welcome precious daughter!

--by Cindy Packard

Written on the day of the passing of Lovene Ferrin (Carolei’s Mom) and a morning when
Cindy assisted, as midwife, in the birth of a baby girl.

Saturday, 22 December 2012

Let's Demand a Plan

My cousin Greg was murdered at point blank range with a gun. Just blew his face right off apparently.  It was early morning and he'd dropped a friend off at work so he could use his car.  Returned to his girlfriend's house and bad guy type drug dealers were there.  Not totally sure what was going one.  Greg had just been released from jail where he'd been living for quite some time due to drug charges.  All I know is he got home, guys were holding his girlfriend up.  Greg tried to talk them down, and they shot him at point blank range and then continued to torment his girlfriend.  If I understand the story right, all of the folks involved, except for Greg's girlfriend are dead.  There were some police chases and all sorts of nutsoness to get the bad guys who'd killed my cousin.  My mom claims they were part of a mexican drug thing.  Who knows ... I guess now, it doesn't matter.  

Sydney, my aunt and mentor, wrapped herself in shower curtains, laid in the bathtub -- she didn't want to leave a big mess -- and pulled the trigger to a handgun.  Blew her brains all over.

We had a deal.  If she ever felt like trying to kill herself again, she was supposed to call me.  I'd just graduated with my clinical MSW and studied suicide.  I knew what to do and we followed all the safety things.  Her husband wasn't a big help.  My friend Mandy and Julie were moving back out west and I was going to tag along as a fellow adventurer and we were going to go see her on the way out.

nstead, we left a couple days early because she had killed herself.  By the time I go to her house, it was all cleaned up.  Just a hole in the cast iron bathtub.  I fell by the side of it and just cried the angriest tears of my life.

I'm still mad at my uncle for insisting that his right to own those weapons superseded my aunt's safety.  I don't know how to forgive him for being so selfish.  He knew she was suicidal, and would not give them up.  She took that to mean he wanted her dead.  I think he did.  He was having an affair and didn't want to deal with her, plus he'd get a big life insurance thing if she did it.  Can you prosecute that? 

If people suffering with a mental illness were able to get the help they need and we had realistic rules around weapons -- the kind that PROMOTE  safety and life, I think both of my family members would be alive. I'd love for them to come back and share their feelings about guns and the rules we should live by. Since that didn't happen, even on 12/21/12, I guess its time I do.

I'm going to make one of these videos and post it.  I want it to be cool so I'm going to enlist some friends to help, maybe they will make videos too.

I want the holidays to be a safe time. I want my constitutional right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness to be protected.  I want my aunt and my cousin back.  I don't want anyone else I love to die a violent death.  

The horrific school shooting in Newtown, CT is the latest devastating example of the toll of gun violence. It's time for our leaders to take action.
Every day, 34 people are murdered with guns in this country. The "I Demand A Plan" video project records the personal stories of Americans whose lives were forever changed by these tragedies.
Watch and share their videos, add your own and Demand A Plan!

from a nurse at U of A

Saturday, 15 December 2012

this has to stop!


why don't we just set up a cash for guns deal like we had for clunkers?  i'm guessing we could just decide to "turn swords into plowshares" tonight.  we'd just translate it to guns for jobs and then we could just melt that metal into something more productive?

could we set up a by-back program.  bring us your gun and we will give you $$$, some price?

Many people shall go and say, Come ye, and let us go up to the mountain of the LORD, to the house of the God of Jacob; and he will teach us of his ways, and we will walk in his paths: for out of Zion shall go forth the law, and the word of the LORD from Jerusalem. And he shall judge among the nations, and shall rebuke many people: and they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruninghooks: nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more. — Isaiah 2:3-4

here's what i'd like to see.  we start a national jobs training program.  for each gun you bring in you get a certificate ... you also have to go through some therapy, as we assume you've seen some stuff.  bring us a gun you get a therapist, contraception, health care, and job training.

could it work?  seems worth a try.  better than hating each other ...

Wednesday, 5 December 2012

life on paper

i spend more time than i'd like to admit pondering the question, "what is identity?"  i'm convenced that we, as Sullivan postulated, "are in relationship to".  i'm maternal around some people, childish around others, organized and commanding with some, and disheveled and frustrating to others.

but still, there are aspects of my self that are constant.  i think this is true of all human beings we have our roles within aspects of self.  So we each have an emotional self; sexual self; a financial self; a work self; etc.

this month i'm focusing on my financial self.  the right brain aspects that have suffered most during my PTSD. i've been stuck for awhile, unable to figure out how or where to move.  a friend sent me a few TED talks* that helped me find my own strength to set out in the creation of a new "SuperBetter" self.

PTSD is no friend to home finances or organization ... I'm hoping my post-disordered (aka "ordered"?) self is a paragon of organization.   i've enlisted a few helpers:

  • Its Not About the Money: this book has helped me look more honestly at my relationship with money.  Understanding my approach to money has helped me identify strengths and weaknesses
  • Basically it taught me that I'm not good with money right now, so I've hired a financial advisor.  She is basically like a financial coach. First, she is helping me establish financial goals and a way to achieve them.  Plus, she knows pit falls, good deals, and ways to help me both reduce debt and increase income.  We are just starting but I can feel a big difference in my approach to my finances and office already knowing that there is a team of people wanting to help!  
  • Martha Stewart -- She didn't stop by, I just have her HomeKeeping Handbook
My goal is to know where all my important papers are within 48 hours.  Is this too much to ask? ;)

Anyway, I thought I'd share the process because I'm hoping I'm  amongst friends with ignored paperwork.