Sunday, 1 January 2012

Welcome to the year of


i'm super excited about this year!  so many fun things are happening.  from presidential elections and the olympics to the waking up of the masses ... plus the ending of the mayan calendar and the "return of Quetzalcoatl"  i mean, how can one not be excited?!

jubilee in old testament times was a "perfection" of the sabbath.  as you may know, the 7 days of rest is only part of the sabbath law.  ancient jews also observed the sabbath year, every 7 years they let their crops rest.  they were able to harvest what came up on its own, but they weren't to work their fields.  every 49th year was then a sabbatical year, but they got all crazy and decided to do a double portion of rest ... can you even imagine?  so they took the next year, the 50th year off too.  that extra year off is called the Jubilee Year!  kinda like when our office manager sent the email out that reminded our whole office not to come to work tomorrow ... we all felt the feeling of jubilation.  not that we don't love each other, we do, but ya know ... work.

it is also a year when debts and grievances are forgiven or repaid.  i think this often gets misinterpreted as some give-away, but it wasn't.  you had to face those you offended or owed and heal the debts/wounds.  you didn't just walk away, you offered work etc.  if you had sold yourself into servitude, you would be released that year.  it seems like it was kinda like the "airing of grevences" from festivus.

personally, i feel like i need an extra year of rest and i would love to make amends, clear my head, and remove the "stoney heart".  i want to reconnect to people i love who i've fallen out of contact with.  i want to have a better work/life balance.  i want to pay off all of the debts that i can.  and i really want my body to heal.

being faced with the reality of my own death has been amazingly enlightening.  i've realized that all the "truths" of my soul are ok.  that no matter who or what i am, so long as i try to love God, myself, and those around me to the best of my ability, all of my mistakes are okay.  for me, the goal of life is to be motivated by love instead of fear.

freud conceived of our psyche/soul as both disconnect from our bodies and with an active subconsciousness.  i have pretty serious disagreements with parts of his early theory (primarily the amount of power he gives to the subconscious and his ignoring of the body.)  in 1920 he wrote an article that to me, shows that he wasn't convinced that he had his original theory just right ...  he wrote a a whole new way of conceptualizing man and life. he suggested that humans are in a constant struggle between eros and thanatos or life and death.  the life drive is the part of me that wants to create, harmonize, have pleasure, enjoy living and sustain/extend life.  the death drive is the part of me that wants to destroy, fight, live in the past, live dangerously, feel adrenaline, and gets compulsive.

i'm feeling like i've been an adrenaline addict for a super long time.  i'm hoping this year i will not try to defy death, but just enjoy life.

i leave you this for today.  one of my favorite all time songs and the one that feels like it captures my hope for the jubilee year!

1 comment:

cascadeast said...

Hi: I've always enjoyed your blog, and I can appreciate your personal faith struggles right now. I think all of us, "pioneers," especially, have our disagreements with the Church. I was a leader in the 70's for women's rights! I've only ever been on a visit to Utah twice in my life! As a single parent, let me tell you that I have gone all the way to SLC for permission to have my kids sealed to me. My ex (father of two of them) was never a member, and the final two were adopted by me as a single parent, so they don't even have a father. SLC says NO CHANCE of a family sealing, no matter how hard I worked to support, train, and love four kids. I have to be married, first. I think that lack of a manifestation of an eternal perspective has helped cause them to fall away. I wish you luck with your struggle to redefine your relationships -- personal and religious.